Destiny's Corner

In 2007, when I first came to the United States, I was excited.. Strange land.. no friends.. no family.. new place..nothing remotely similar to what I know..and instead of being terrified.. I was excited. Ofcourse, my reasons for coming were not the best (in retrospect), yet, I was excited about the possibilities.. not nervous, not terrified, plain and simple excited.

Fast forward to 6.5 years later.. here I am.. buried deep in my comfort zone of a dead end job, lousy pay and less than exciting (if any) possibilities. I had no idea how I got here to start with, what was coming and.. worse.. what to expect. I got ripped and uprooted from MY ZONE on the 27th of April, 2013..well... atleast that's when it started. It was a nice and bright Saturday morning here at Kansas City (Oh please!! People have lived at worse places). Let me give you a backdrop of my regular Saturdays. I don't wake up till noon probably, spend all day catching up with all the shows I like and missed through the week...manage to go grocery shopping (sometimes) but mostly stay in bed, happy that everything is fine (no its not.. but it's easier to believe it is). That said, this Saturday was different, I was up early and surprisingly in high spirits. I actually wanted to get out of bed, go out, breathe some fresh air, maybe go to a park and read a book...and all those normal things..and So I did.. Less than 5 mins to the drive, I know something was wrong. The driver in the car next to me starting changing lanes.. No, I was not in his blind spot.. I was RIGHT NEXT TO HIM! I honked as hard and loud as I could, but he came on over anyway and I swerved into the tiny driveway that showed up. It was not too little but definitely too late. I was hit, my tire went flat and my engine shut down (I actually surprised myself by not panicking and swerving into the driveway). I walked out without a scratch. The other driver was disoriented at first but not hurt. I guess, no one was hurt, so that's all matters. (NO!!.. I FREAKING LOVE MY CAR!!)

My Car :( 

So much for wanting to get out of bed on a Saturday morning! Anyway, I spent the rest of the weekend, trying to reach his insurance people, going over the whole thing in my head over and over again thinking to myself.. what if I had done something else instead, what if I had stopped at the gas station for a minute, what if I started 2 mins earlier or later from my house.. I went over different possibilities.. how could I have avoided this really stupid accident. Yes, I call it stupid, because it was not supposed to happen.. I was RIGHT NEXT TO HIM for crying out loud..Common!! I was devastated to leave my car there and know that most likely, it was going to get salvaged. There was no way the insurance company was going to pay to fix the damages.. I just knew it.. but did not want to say out loud.. hoping I was wrong.. Well, I wasn't. My car got salvaged/totaled..whatever! 

Fast forward the boring and uneventful Monday and there I was.. heading into Tuesday (April 30th, 2013), still not knowing what was to come. I should have known something was up, when my company's other partner showed up at the office and asked to meet with me. She does that sometimes, usually it is about project updates blah blah.. not this time. She delivered the Oh! So Sweet news.....I got laid off. That was my official two week notice to pack it up and move on. Surprisingly again, I din't panic. I thanked her for the opportunity etc etc.. She changed her mind after a couple of days.. Oh no.. I am still laid-off.. but she wanted me to stay till the end of June instead of just two weeks. 

I went home and avoided looking at all mirrors. I did not want to see the terror in my eyes and stress on my face. With my visa expiring soon, I was pretty sure that this is it.. and I should plan to go home (India) now.. for good. Tell my goodbyes, visit my friends, and move....Ofcourse, I changed my mind after a couple of days. I found some deeply buried and forgotten confidence inside me to TRY! 

Fast forward  to a month(ish) later.. Still no job prospects, no car and long distance friends. I guess, its about time I came to the point... I am exactly where I started 6.5 years back... with no guarantees, new grounds to break, new places to go to, no family and no friends around.. except this time.. I am terrified!! I don't know when I got so comfortable in my life, and so complacent that the idea of starting from scratch again seems like a nightmare. Shit hit the fan and I got yanked out of my oblivious life. 

I wonder, is this what age and responsibility does to people? Rethink/over think and stress over anything that is not in their comfort zone? Or is this just plain complacency? What is it that keeps us from trying.? What is it that drowns us in constant doubt? Is it the fear of failure? What is it that is keeping me from being the person I imagined I would be 6.5 years back? I wonder.... 

Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred and I

Call me crazy, but I have decided to start a relationship with the most terrifying woman I know - Jillian Michael. If you don't know who she, you are either one of those lucky people, who have never had a battle  their weight or... well.. today is your lucky day. This blog is NOT a review of the product. It is my log to see how I fare and what results I get. I have gone back and forth if I should post before and after pictures and decided not to. I am still very self-conscious. Publishing this blog by itself is hard for me, so BE NICE! That said, there is no point in writing this if I cannot publish my results (good or bad). Hopefully, by the end of my 30D journey, i'll have results to post. 

I came across the video on amazon and the reviews were over the top. So, I decided to give it a try. The DVD would cost you $8.00. If you are tight on cash, you can always find it on youtube, if not, I recommend you buy it and pay for the cause. 

Day 1 (5/25/2013) : Measured and weighed myself and started with Level 1. She recommends staying with Level 1 for 10 days, Level 2 for 10 days and Level 3 for 10 days (that's because Level 3 is a bitch and your body needs to prepare itself). It was a 30 minute workout, including warm up and cool down. If you think you can't do anything in 30 minutes, think again!. I was not particularly sweaty because I had to keep stopping to look at the video and follow along. My heart rate was up but not pounding out of my skin. For day 1, I think I did good. 

Day 2 : She allows for no breaks in these 30 days. I was not so sore that I could not stand, but I can tell my muscles were hurting. I can't do the full-on push ups, so I stayed with the modified version shown. Yes, I was sweating and yes, my heart was racing and yes, I am still on Level 1. 

Day 3: Now I am sore. My muscles hurt and I know it the most when I have to pee :(. I was able to follow along without having to stop and look at the video constantly, like on Day 1. My heart was pounding out of my skin. She does not allow for breaks during the workout, but allows for a 5 second pause if you really need it.

Day 4: Missed Day 4 :( 

Day 5: To make up for Day 4, I did the workout twice.. morning and evening.. Hopefully that makes up for it. It's gotten easier, so I increased my weights. 

Day 6 : Increasing my weights was probably a baaaad idea.. The pain is excruciating, but this is sweet pain :) . The weekend is coming up and usually that's when its hard for me to stick to my workout or diet.. Hopefully, I'll keep up with it.

Day 7 : You'd think, of all the days, Friday would be the hardest to get yourself to workout, but it wasn't that bad. I was glad I hit the mat before I hit the couch :)

Day 8:  Saturday!!! and I slacked off!! ( call it a hangover, or just plain lazy)

Day 9 : Manged to get off the couch and hit the mat and sweat it out. I was glad I did it. 9 days into the shred, I was getting a little bored of doing the same thing, but it lasted for 40 seconds of the workout and after that.. Jillian just took over. I din't have the breathing time or energy to get bored. Tomorrow would be my last day on Level 1. I am kinda excited to start level 2. If reviews are to be believed, its going to hard as hell.. but am excited and mostly terrified :)

Day 10 : My last day on Level 1. I am wondering if I should stick to Level 1, given that I missed a day earlier.. I don't know.. we'll see... 

Day 11: LEVEL 2 is HARDDD!!!!  I was soaked and actually happy about it. I am so glad I made this far. Another 19 days to go :) :) 

Day 12:  I noticed that I have been taking a break every three days since I started. So, I had made up my mind to push myself to workout and am so glad I did. Jillian was right. You really have to work HARD to get the results you want. I feel like I see a difference in my body. It's toned (a little) but so far haven't seen any weight loss. Funny part is, I gained weight. No inches lost either (yet!). Going by everyone's advise, I plan to keep at it and measure myself on Day 20 (fingers crossed!)

Day 13:  I am not a huge fan of Level 2, but I din't want to take a break either. So, I just did it. I think I was lethargic to start with and but eventually, the workout kinda takes over you. The planks and plank-jacks or whatever it is that Jillian loves.. is HARDDD!! I hate those... I think I noticed some changes in my body, but really don't believe it yet..I don't particularly give too much credit to small changes, coz I imagine, it fluctuates. Waiting for Day 20.. to measure. 

Day 14 - Day 19 :  Had too much happening and could not update this post.. But thankfully that did  not keep me from keeping at it.. Kept going.. Today is my last day on Level 2. I missed my workout last night :( For my 10 days on Level 2, I missed one workout..that's not so bad.. right?? I hope so... 


Day 20 :  I am there..FINALLY!!!! 20 days down.. 10 more to go.

To be honest, around last weekend, I started doubting if this is even working.. I did not see any difference on the scale and began to wonder if I am one of those people, who doesn't respond to the workout... Thank god I stayed with it..

So far :
Weight loss: 1lbs
Inches lost:
Arms: -0.5"
Waist : -1.0"
Legs: -1.5"

Although, that does not seem like a lot, I cannot begin to explain how toned my body has gotten. If I do the wiggle/tap dance (you know what am talking about!), I am actually fitting into my old jeans :D. I  am hoping that at the end of 30 days, I won't have to do the dance anymore :) :) fingers crossed :D

From everything I have heard.. Level 3 is the hardest. It is also the level where you actually get shredded. Level 1 and Level 2 are meant to prepare you for this one. Tonight would be my first day on Level 3. I am terrified. I have not yet peeked to see what to expect. I guess, I am just going to wing it ;)

.....to be updated.... 

My woes with the elusive "Gym"

I am praying desperately that I am not alone here. I think I am an excellent planner..when it comes to making plans. I plan out my food diary, my calorie count, my workout regime, my wake up alarm, my bedtime, my target goals (realistic ones) and almost everything that would make it sound like am on top of it. But this is how its been for the last two months. my alarm goes off in the morning.. and I put it on snooze with my damn "5 mins" concept..5 mins later... I keep rounding off the time.. like if its 7.12AM, I decide to round it off to 7.15 and wake up then. When it's 7.17 after that, I decide to push it to 7.30 obviously.. and then am late for work and my "healthy" breakfast plans get flushed down the toilet..and I grab a coffee instead..

I think my lunch is the only meal in the day that I stay on plan.. mostly because it does not involve any cooking.. having a salad is more out of convenience than trying to be careful about what I put in my mouth. A plate full of salad and a fruit.. and suddenly I am so proud of myself for being such a good girl :). The one thing about salads and fruits.. they go away pretty fast and in about an hour or two you are hungry as hell. Maybe that's when I should grab a snack and be done with it.. but do I?? Ofcourse not! I convince myself that its just a couple of hours and i'll be done with work.. and I can go home and cook something nice and have that instead. Do I??...hahaha.. wait for it.. 

Past 5.00PM, I can literally hear my stomach growling.. and I mean literally. When I was much more stupid than I am today, I used to think no one else could hear it except me.... Embarrassingly, that was not true at all....On my way back home, I remember about going to the damn gym, check the gym schedule and decide that I can grab a quick bite and still make it to the 6.30PM class... Do I? 

Cooking for me, especially if I have to cook just for one person, is the biggest, most boring, most annoying chore of the day. With America trying to make things easy for me and having a fast food joint at every corner, I just grab something at Chipotle or Panera bread instead. Let me tell you right now, they are not as healthy as they claim (Do they even claim that??...Whatever!).. Devouring my sandwich or whatever the hell I just bought, I catch up with some show on Netflix.. Don't you just hate it when they end an episode with this huge suspense and now you just HAVE to find out what happens next?..and the one after that.. and the one after that.. After losing a bunch of time, I remember about my plans to go to the damn gym!! This is the most crucial part of my day.. This is when, I promise.. PROMISE...myself that I am going to wake up first thing in the morning and walk straight to the gym... and start my day on that note.. Do I?? (Go back to the beginning of the page and read again!)

I hate it... I hate being lazy, I hate being a slob, I hate the damn pounds that catch up so fast, I hate all those skinny people who don't worry about one damn thing and stay skinny, I hate being such a couch potato and most of all I hate being told what to do about it!! (I am not a hater though ;))

All that said and done.. I need to sit down and make some SERIOUS changes to my life.. Being tired  or hating to wake up mornings is no good reason to be such a colossal bum. I'll keep you posted.. 

Cheers!

Jar of Moments : 2013

I am one of those people who gets nostalgic at the end of a year, trying to reminisce the innumerable good and bad things that happened in the year, trying to make promises to myself about what I would never ever do again and trying harder to remember what I promised myself the previous year at the same time. 

I guess its the way of life, that we tend to remember our low points in a year/life with way more clarity and attention to detail than we remember the high points. The happy or overwhelming moments just seem to be a blur in my/our vast memory of events. 

At the end of last year, (after I realized that the world was not ending after all) I tried to think about all the pleasant, peaceful, and delightful moments of 2012.. and I was struggling.. It wasn't like I din't have my share of happy and happier days.. it's just that, when it was time to sit and be thankful, I barely could remember...why.. what...why had I laughed so loud that one day, why was I smiling like I had a hanger in mouth that other day, why did I wake up with a smile because that dream was all sooo sweet.. what was that dream about anyway...why was I blushing that one day.. what had happened that made me laugh so much my stomach hurt...Yup... I barely could remember what to be thankful for.

So, when a friend suggested I keep a jar and fill it with my moments.. I couldn't agree more. I think am an easy person to please and I get really cheerful really fast... That said, I still struggled to think of all such moments from last year.. So this year, I din't make any big resolutions. Of course, I do have the usual set of - I should lose weight, I should clear my credit cards, I should travel more, I should start saving and blah and blah and blah... but the interesting thing I plan to do this year is to keep this Jar (actually a vase) and fill it with my moments. Its a three step process.. 1 - Find a Jar (vase, shoe box, whatever) 2. Be happy and 3. Write that moment down (date it maybe, if you like that) and   put it in the jar :) 

I know it sounds like this really complicated idea, but I think I'll be able to handle that much. Its just the beginning of 2013.. and I can't wait to get to the end, open my jar and read all my moments and get all nostalgic :) 

Cheers!

P.S -  Happy New Year :) Hope you stay happy, get rich and then write me check :) 

Reality Vs Virtuality

I have tried.. really tried to find one person who doesn't use the internet.. Today its all about Facebook and twitter and LinkedIn and pinterest (I have no clue what on earth that is though!!) and yet, I am not the best person when it comes to keeping in touch with people.Somehow, I have managed to make friends who make sure that I do. There is always a thread of emails, or tweets or something updating me about my friends.. I feel old when I say this, but I remember a time when only celebrities would telecast their weddings.. and just recently I had to watch my best friend's wedding over a link from their "Wedding webpage" (the new thing huh?!)..and it almost felt like I was right there.. felt so real..

So anyways, going by the trend I asked one of my childhood big-sister type of friend..how she was and what's happening with her, if she was on twitter or Facebook etc etc.. and she replied in the most "matter-of-fact" way. She said, " I am still old fashioned and use emails to keep in touch with people. I don't use any of the social networking sites". Hmm.. and here I was, (like an idiot) thinking, that old fashioned meant actually writing letters, with a pen.. on a paper.. When did emails become old fashioned?? (Feel like am 10 yrs older than my age right now!).

Moving on, you know how almost every other person from India either has an engineering degree or a medical one..well, I am one from the same lot... and like the entire flock, I went to an engineering school also.. got a degree also.. moved to the US (also).. got a masters (also).. What I managed to do in the process was meet some amazing people... and managed to keep few of them as friends (still).. I was part of this girl gang at my engineering school. All the girls were way more smarter, prettier and far more accomplished than I was/am..(That said, I don't see how we became friends actually!!)..Well, anywayyyyyyyy.. point being, we are still in touch.. and the last email I saw said something about all of us meeting up soon..  It got me excited..My mind was racing with re-union ideas, themes, places, dates etc.. and then I read the later part of the sentence..where she mentioned.."Let's all meet up soon.. on Google+"... WHATTTTTTT!!!! I don't know when the transition happened...Which world was/am living in?

So, feeling utterly old fashioned, I decided that the best way to make me feel younger and part of this gen.. was to talk to my parents... :D I remember, I had to write down a step-by-step "procedure" for my mom about how to use email, how to use "Shift" to capitalize letters, explain "Caps Lock" etc etc.. you know the drill right..So I called mom and in the middle of no where.. she asked me to add her on Facebook!!!!!! WHATTTTTT!!!.. Really??!!! I am NOT on facebook.. I had to deactivate my account because it had become an addiction and here I was trying to explain that to her.. and I fell short of words.. She knew a lot more about facebook.. timeline.. sharing.. privacy settings etc.. Here I was, listening to my mom explain to me, what facebook was...and why I should be on it..and yeah... add her as a friend..

End of it all, I miss those days, when people wrote hand written letters, eagerly waited for a response, the concept of "Pen Pals"..The content of the letters were outdated by the time it got to your hand, but that's a different story, for another day. I miss actually sitting down with friends.. in person.. and having a coffee and laughing over silly jokes, I miss the phone calls, and the "Ohhh..Its been sooo long.. How have you been?" lines.. The line between reality and virtual reality has become so thin and almost invisible that it freaks me out sometimes. Its convenient, yeah! but still.... I wish I had the right words to express what exactly about it that I am missing.. I guess, it's the human touch that it had, the feeling, the anticipation, the mystery to it all.. Well..What can I say..I am old fashioned ;)

Cheers :)

My supernatural power :)

Just so you know, this title is NOT as misleading as you'd think.. 

Although I am not referring to one of those creepy spirits in paranormal activity or one of those athletically built super heros in an uncomfortable body suit, I am stating a fact. I do have supernatural powers and honestly, so do you. If you manage to read through till the end, maybe I can show you why I think so. 

In the past couple of weeks, I have been fascinated by what is called the subconscious mind and how it works. I haven't understood all its ways and means yet, but the things I have read and felt so far have been truly surprising. Its actually a shame that all of us have this "subconscious mind" and yet know so little about it.

So, say as you read this, I ask you NOT to think about your left foot.. Can you do it?.. NO...DON'T think about it.. DO NOT move it.. I am pretty sure you probably twitched it a little.

So, let's get this straight in the beginning itself.. you cannot make your subconscious mind NOT do something. ( I guess, its kind of a rebel thing going on in there) 

I'll try and take small examples to justify my statements, so I leave with the thoughts as you apply it to bigger situations in your life.

There are so many things that we do on a daily basis without paying even the least bit attention to it.. One easy example is breathing.. Are you breathing now? You breathe all the time..with or without paying attention, while you are awake or asleep... How is that?  Its not something that you don't control. If you wanted, you could be taking deep breaths right now.

Have you ever had this situation, where you have a bag of chips in your hand, and you have two voices in your head...each with a different opinion..One tells you NOT to do it and one promises that this would be the last one...

How about this one.. Have you walked home, while talking on the phone with someone or lost in thought.. and reach your own home.. you weren't really paying attention to the directions, in fact your attention was on something else entirely and yet.. you din't go end up at your neighbor's place.. 

Did you ever try this one.. well, if not, try it.. Don't set your alarm for tomorrow morning but tell yourself repeatedly, that you HAVE TO.. simply HAVE TO wake up at 5am (haha.. nice try!).. What do you think will happen.. I'll give you 20 bucks if you don't actually wake up.. 

Let me ask you this..how much is 6x6=? 

I am pretty sure you remember those gruesome mathematical tables from when you were much younger.. how is that? You weren't born with this information. You trained yourself to learn it... and even worse.. remember it till this day! 

The more I read about this, the more I am starting to believe that the subconscious mind can do a lot of things that, you'd want it to do. You are simply not aware of it. I think you can train your mind exactly the way you want.. to do the very things you need.. to help you reach your goals much more effortlessly than you can imagine. I think YOU have the power to make things happen.. even the most unrealistic ones (who would have thunk that bending metal into some shape can transport people through air.. and today we have aircrafts)

I think that power of the subconscious mind is no less than that of a supernatural one..(that is, if you try and use it)

I know, this is one of those really longggg blogs.. but I can really go on and on about it.. 

Think about it!

Cheers!

Promise..

If I had to promise you something, what would it be?

I can't promise that you will always be comfortable..

Because comfort brings boredom and discomfort.

I can't promise that all your desires will be fulfilled...

Because desires, whether fulfilled or unfulfilled, bring frustration.

I can't promise that there will always be good times...

Because it is tough times that make us appreciate joy. 

I can't promise that we will be rich or famous or powerful...

Because they can all be pathways to misery.

I can't promise that we will always be together...

Because it is separation that makes togetherness so wonderful. 

Yet, if you are willing to walk with me, 

If you are willing to value love over everything else, 

I promise that this will be the most rich

and fulfilling life possible.

I promise your life will be the an eternal celebration.

I promise you, I will cherish you more than 

A king cherishes his crown, 

And I shall love you more than

A mother loves her newborn. 

If you are willing to walk into my arms, 

If you are willing to live in my heart, 

You will find the one you have waited for forever...

You will meet yourself in my arms.. 

I promise.